SOS

I have to get out of Rockport.

Thursday night I met my mom at the Yacht Club for cocktails. And the conversation turned to my job search, which as you know has been going nowhere. I mentioned that I had applied to the Rockport Art Center and luckily two of the ladies know the director and will put in a good word for me. Its just a part time gig and will keep me in drinks and new shoes in the interim.

The idea comes up that I should work for Todd Hunter, our State Senator. So I say, that is a good idea, who knows him? Hmmmm... hmmmm.... Why Burt Mills knows him!

Background: Burt Mills is the former mayor of Rockport. He is famous for getting a DUI for joy riding in the town's new fire truck. It made national news at the time. I went to high school with his kids. I had a mild crush on his son Jeremy. Unfortunately this is one of the few crushes I actually acted upon... and he wasn't into it. And to make matters worse he shagged one of my best friends... which essentially ended that friendship. For some reason she was bewildered that I would be upset about it.

Of course Jeremy is one of the few Rockportians who got his act together and went to school, etc. and is now the town dentist. He has a beautiful wife and they both hang out at the Yacht Club. And all of the Ladies LUUUUUV him. He shmoozes them up when he fixes their crowns and they all think he's the bee's knees.

I smile politely. (full disclosure: about five years ago I was down here visiting and my mom and Kay tried to set me up with him... I was like OMG!!!! NOOOO! But what could I do? Then he totally didn't show up at the Yacht Club. So he basically burned me twice.)

Back to the story at hand. Burt Mills knows Todd Hunter. And who do you suppose walks in at that very moment but Jeremy and his gorgeous wife. The Ladies immediately hail him and tell him that I need a job and could he intro me to Todd Hunter, etc. etc. I am so mortified I could have died on the spot.

I have to get out of Rockport.

So my mom's friend Paula has a stepson, Kevin. The Ladies LUUUUUVVVV Kevin in much the same way they LUUUUUVVVV Jeremy, except in this case I think the adoration is legitimate. He seems very earnest. He is a talented woodworker and is building a beautiful mantle for my mom's fireplace.

Kevin is showing up at the Yacht Club a lot. He asked me to dance at the St. Patricks Day party. Last night he actually called to see if I was there. Kay insisted that we stay out and meet him at Paradise Key.

All of the YC employees were at the Yacht Club because the old manager, Mark was there. Bryan, the regular entertianment at the YC, (he wears a pirate shirt) suggested that I go and read for a play being put on by a local theatre group. They are putting on Picnic, which happens to be the very first play I was in and I had the lead (if you haven't seen it, put it in your Netflix queue, its an excellent movie starring William Holden and Kim Novak). My mom told someone this and they wanted me to try out for it... I declined. But I agreed to read for them because, what the hell else do I have to do since the pool is closed for two weeks?

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that Kevin called this morning and asked if I would like to go to dinner tonight. Now, he is a great guy but I have absolutely no physical attraction for him. Its all very awkward because he is Paula's step son, etc. etc.

So I am probably going to have to go to dinner with him tonight.

fuck.

fuck.

fuck.

I have to get out of Rockport.

My Mom thinks I need to lose weight.

I just love it when she says what she really thinks. Thankfully I started on my weight watchers regime this week... and it was going great until Thursday... just like in DC...

Yes, I overreacted.

My hair is great. In fact, I almost love it. I've already referred two people. Just have to remember no blow out next time.

Comments

FYI- I think I have fixed the settings so that you can leave comments now. Someone try it out!

My Hair Makes Me Look Fat

It was inevitable. Finding a new hair person is always painful, but after being so happy with Tina for the past few years, this is especially devastating.

I put a shout out on Facebook to get suggestions on where to get my hair done in Austin. Turns out someone I went to high school with just opened a new salon in downtown Austin. I checked it out and the website looked great so I thought I’d take a chance.

It took two hours and 15 minutes for a cut and highlight. And the color looks great, it really does. But the haircut lacks imagination. Straight, flat, boring. My hair is basically back to where it was before I whacked it off into my funky shag thing I had going on.

So now my giant round cranium is enhanced by the straight flatness of my hair. Think Gretchen Carlson on Fox and Friends, except she has more body than I do.

Hopefully I am being overdramatic and it won’t be so bad after I take a stab at fixing it myself. If anyone sees cute hair pictures or good celebrity hair out there, let me know. I need a picture to inspire.

I owe you a post on Oysterfest and my fun weekend with Mia, and coming soon will be something on my upcoming fun weekend in Dallas.

I hope you are all well. I am getting tired of being unemployed and homeless.

Rocky Horror Weekend

Several Sundays ago, Kay called us to see if we wanted to go to dinner at Paradise Key. No reason for me to get up on a Monday morning so I’m game. Another of the ladies, Mary A., joined us. At dinner, Mary told us about her granddaughter who goes to Southwestern University and is starring in the Rocky Horror Show that the theatre department is putting on.

Me: Oh we should totally GO!!! That would be so fun!

Kay: We could stay with my niece!

Mary: I’ll find out how to get tickets!

By the time we got home, Kay had called her grandson, James (aka Bubba or Bub) to drive us to Austin. By ten o’clock the next morning I had the link to the website for Rocky Horror tickets with instructions to buy six tickets. Done.

Sidebar: There are unpronounceable-polish-vodka (UPV) filled moments when my mom and Kay openly fantasize about how great it would be if James and I got together. So I am totally aware what is going on at this point.

James is 27.

We eventually added a seventh to the party, Christina, Kay’s granddaughter and James’s sister. I know her from my 2007 Vegas trip with my mom and Kay for Christina’s 30th birthday. She is a quiet one, I like her a lot but I think she is a little unsure of me. I think I made major inroads with her this particular weekend, I am going to win her over eventually.

So the big day finally rolls around ( it’s the day after the Booze Cruise for me, I don’t know what everyone else’s excuse was) , we (Me, Mom, Kay, James and Christina, and New Puppy Lilly) all pile into Kay’s minivan. James drives, I am co-pilot/navigatress. Mom and Kay sit in the bucket seats in the next row, Christina has the back bench so she could nap- she is a nurse, and got off shift at 7:00 AM.

We have Christina’s GPS and that is the main means to guide us to Kay’s niece’s house (Susan), and that is fine except anyone with any GPS experience knows that you sometimes have to use your own judgment and override some of the ridiculous instructions it gives you. Well GPS disagreed with Kay’s way to get to Austin. And James opted to take the GPS way rather than Kay’s way. A brave man in my opinion.

Long story short: We got there. With the chaperones in the back seat James and I made forced conversation (I KNEW that I had to initiate conversation, lest I be the one to blame for the match not being made. )

G: I hear you are graduating soon?

J: Yes. In May.

G: Are you planning a big party to celebrate?

J: Welll…

And blah and blah and blah.

We finally arrive at Susan and Mike’s home in Austin. It was one of those slightly older homes ( 25-30 years old) that has been completely remodeled and looks incredible. They had the biggest television I have ever seen, and an incredible movie and game selection and… most importantly an authentic Darth Vadar mask! I heart these people!

Eventually we make it to Georgetown to see the play and I have a moment of panic. I haven’t seen Rocky Horror in at least 10 years and I kind of forgot how risqué it was. And I’ve never seen it live.

It was really, really randy.

I was worried that the older crowd was going to be offended. See, I never know which Mom is going to show up. The Catholic School Girl or the Good Time Gal? Luckily it was the GTG.
It was a great production and everyone loved it. Except Christina, who didn’t come back after intermission. So whatev.

Afterward we played a game called “Screw Your Neighbor”. Awesome, awesome card game. The premise is: everyone is dealt one card, and you can either keep it or trade with the person on the left. Don’t want to be stuck with the lowest card (ace is low, king is high). It is so fun! We played til 4 AM.

So James. I don’t think either of us felt as though there was going to be a romance there, but he is a nice guy worth knowing and its not like I don’t need friends in the area, right?

Poor James. I am sure that he didn’t know that I knew that he had a girlfriend who is married with 3 kids. But my mom looks out for me.

James’s girlfriend deserves her own post. The lady’s name is Michelle Lee (pronounced Michelly, which I think is the awesomest name ever.). James told me, over a hand of SYN, that Michelly is into the Fuzzy Animal Thing.

Insert eyebrow raise.

Did you see that episode of Entourage where Turtle had to dress up in the animal costume to get it on with the girl?

Uh-huh.

Wellll anyway. If it hadn’t been in front of his family I would have given him a hard time about it but I decided it would be prudent to stay quiet.

It was an odd night. Where I was labeled as being the quiet, demure one (?ha? like I said, never know which mom is showing up, GTG or SM).

Instead of calling Kay an effing biatch every time she passed me an ace(which was every time I had to pass her something), I deemed her the “Black Hole of Despair” . What can I say? It works for me.

It was a fun trip.

UPDATE: Apparently Christina didn't come back for the second act of the play because the preemie baby she was taking care of for the past six weeks died.

Redneck Riviera Booze Cruise

Robert is one of my few high school friends that I keep up with, and he is one of an even smaller subset who is still in Rockport… lucky for me. He and his wife have been having me over almost every Friday night.

There are many things one should know about Robert. He is one of the first people I knew when I moved to Rockport in 8th grade. That means I have known him for 21 years. Yes, 21 years. He was my first boyfriend’s (David) best friend (more on that later). Robert still likes me even though I played a rather large roll in the fiasco that got him sent off to military school( a story for another time). I appreciate his friendship. A lot.

Robert is living the Rockport Dream… i.e.: hunting guide during hunting season, fishing guide during fishing season and complete bum between seasons. Robert met his wife Jenn when he was working in recruiting in Connecticut. She was his boss. And she is ten years older than him. I think she is great and so obviously perfect for him, I am so glad that he is with someone I want to be friends with. I love seeing my friends deliriously happy.

So anyway, last Friday I went to Robert and Jenn’s for dinner and drinks. They have a little house on a canal that leads out to the bay, patio, boats, bbq… you get the picture. Its a total bachelor pad with a great wine selection.

His two neighbors were in attendance. One they were very excited to introduce me to, Jason: who is our age, single, and apparently doesn’t work either; and the other a really old guy who has a crack whore living with him who claims one of his wives was advance for Reagan and Bush I. So as usual, the conversation was scintillating. Robert grilled a feast of trout, shrimp (bacon wrapped… unnnghghgllll) and redfish and I swear it was the best seafood I have had since I have been here. Afterward Rob decided we were going on a booze cruise.

It was a little damp out but it was totally worth it. We could see the STARS. And wildlife! And did you know that Farrah Faucett was from Corpus Christi? Well we floated by her HOUSE! There was beer, dogs and country music. It was fun, and made me very reminiscent of my girlhood in Rockport. Good times. Why did I ever leave?

Sooo Robert gets a phone call while we are on the boat. It’s Austin. My ex-boyfriend David’s little brother (do I still have to count him as an ex if it was from 8th grade? Robert says yes.). Austin is at the house, and we have to cruise back to port. When we get back Austin and his friend are waiting for us.

Robert: Austin! This is Ginny! She used to date David the year you were born!

Gaaaaahhhhh!

Anyway, sweet kid, a lot like his bro but not nearly as good looking. It was a good night.

Fat Tuesday

Fat Tuesday

Okay, I apologize for not posting sooner, but I’ve been busy… doing what I am not sure. Last week was a lost week. But I promised a good Fat Tuesday story so here it goes.

There was a lot anticipation running up to the Yacht Club’s Fat Tuesday Party. The Yacht club has a new manager. The old manager, Mark, told one of the members to Fuck Off at a private party he was catering. Mark hit the road shortly after that. This is only important because the new manager, Chuck, didn’t know that Ms. Gardner (my mom’s best friend, aka Kay) ALWAYS gets a table for Fat Tuesday. So we didn’t have a table. Kay was really upset about this because she ALWAYS goes to the Yacht Club for Fat Tuesday.

I innocently suggest that we have dinner somewhere else and crash the bar. I am hailed as genius. To seal the deal Kay called and reserved barstools for us.

So the grand day finally rolls around and I am wishing that I could cancel because I am feeling a little blue… a lot blue actually… on the verge of tears all day. But cancelling would cause more pain than enduring it so I suck it up and go.

The Septuagenarians are out in full Mardi Gras regalia, masks, beads the whole bit. The club brought in a great jazz band and I slowly got out of my slump and started to enjoy myself (translation: had a couple of vodkas). Had a nice conversation with Gayle who is an artist and jewelry designer. She will let me use her kiln if I ever get moving on the jewelry thing. Chatted with Suzette, my high school librarian, who wants to set me up with her son when I get to Austin. Suddenly I notice out of the corner of my eye that Kay has snagged some hapless fellow walking in to the bar and is moving in my direction at an unnatural speed. She put his hand in mine and commanded: “Dance!”

He looked bewildered and I said, “We may as well dance because she won’t rest until we do.”

“Who WAS that?”

“That’s Kay”

“Is she your grandma?”

“No, she is my mom’s best friend.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Kay is on a mission from God to get me married off. But I see you are already married so you’re safe!”

“Er uh yeah…”

Long story short, he was a great sport about it and made the mortification factor much less. We talked for a long time and I discovered he is the silent partner at one of the better restaurants in town, Paradise Key (Thuy you have been there- it’s the outdoor tiki bar), owns a record label, and worked in DC for awhile as a contractor in the Old Executive Office Building. He didn’t seem to want to elaborate on what he was doing at the White House.

Meanwhile, I gaze into the crowd for a moment and notice that Lita Lay-a-Man (I’ll save that story for another time, but she is Kay’s nemesis) is giving me the Mal Ojo, and she wasn’t being shy about it. So I give her the Eyebrow Raise. She looked away first. It was a small but important triumph. I’m not sure what I have done to attract Lita’s notice besides pick up a married man at a bar but I figured I better I better quash it before I become the Scandaleuse of Rockport.

The band’s last set was a tribute to the Godfather of Soul, James Brown so we all shook our tailfeathers to Sex Machine and called it a night.

Coming soon: Redneck Riviera Booze Cruise and Rocky Horror Weekend

Sidebar: discovered that the feeling of despair was nothing more than PMS. What is the point of being on the pill if you just get your period whenever it feels like showing up?